A.L.I.E.N. LIVING: "Living In A Negative Space"

#A.L.I.E.N.LIVING: The Journey of Authenticity

Good Day A.L.I.E.N.s!

It has been a while since writing or being inspired to write. I woke up at 12:36 am this morning with this blog on my mind.  I have a lot I could say, but I got a little stuck on how to say it or even is this the time to say it.  I have struggled with keeping a schedule because well I tend to fight with good ole procrastination some times.  I AM JUST GOING TO BE HONEST!! I mean this is about being your most authentic self no matter what, right?!?! RIGHT!!

I want to say thank you to those who actually read this blog and get something from it. So, in saying that lets begin… I woke up this morning realizing that I have a tendency to give up on some things too easily. Over the past two years I have for the first time since I was a kid, I really see myself succeeding. There are days, though when I question though. I overthink it and then I go down that rabbit hole of “will this ever happen for me?”  Will I lose this 100 pounds? Will my music make it to the nations? Will the man I love see me one day and say “hey beautiful let’s get married.” I mean at this point I am over 40. Fuck a big wedding, let’s do a small ceremony and a party! However, there is Covid, so if he asked me now I’d have to say let’s wait until the virus clears up, hopefully in 2021! *laughs* Anyway I digress… Will I… Will I… Will I…This can become daunting and overwhelming. You begin to second guess yourself.  When speaking with my therapist she says not overthinking takes practice; you must recognize, capture, replace; meaning recognize the fact ... you are overthinking, capture that thought and replace it with a new positive thought.  I am learning more and more that living in a negative space is draining. You never get the strength to get up, spiritually and emotionally; you become the walking dead. Those negative thoughts create this cloud around you. A midst that you can’t see through; not even the goodness on the other side.

There are days where I have to just disconnect. I have to not go on social media, I breathe a bit and take moments to just meditate.  Sometimes I forget to be grateful and thankful for what I have.  There are some people who thrive in public forums, where I prefer things to be more intimate.  I think that is why I love performing in more intimate settings. I love talking when on stage and telling stories because that is when I most comfortable. Social media actually makes me more uncomfortable. Ha… I am sure you’ve never heard anyone say that… *shrugs* maybe you have. But one thing is for sure, I am definitely called to tell my story in whichever form it comes out.  This is one of those forms and just as I am writing this to you, I am also writing this to me.  Sometimes those negative thoughts that say “no one is reading this why are you writing it?”.   “No one cares what you have to say, Megan, just give it up.”  Living in that negative space causes me to become uninspired, unmotivated. I have to fight through it to get to the other side of it.  Sometimes I have to shout at it from the bottom of my feet, “GET OUT. THERE IS NO ROOM FOR YOU HERE!!” “YOU ARE NOT WANTED NOR NEEDED IN MY SPACE” *screams*. Then comes the inner me, the Queen Megan, the warrior and shield Megan that pushes through and says “Bitch, do the damn thang. If only three people read this you’ve accomplished something”.  So, this morning I choose to listen to the inner me with purpose.  I choose to show the Creator my gratitude by sharing my thoughts with you, even if it’s only one of you.  

Thank you all for hanging in there. Thank you for allowing me to share my journey and thoughts with you.  I hope you get something more than just entertainment from it.  If you are like me get out of that negative space. You will be able to see the sun better that way!

God Bless,

Megan