Thank You and You’re Welcome. Two phrases I have come to realize in recent days I have problem with saying. Not because I don’t have manners or that my mom didn’t teach me the importance of those two phrases, it’s just that I recently realized that I have a hard time saying those words in reference to myself. Hmmm… yeah… what do you mean Megan? Tell me more. Is what you are thinking.
Now before we go into this I had a completely different subject to write about and share, but then this situation occurred on Friday night at the Groove Suite event and I had to share it. I had to, because maybe it’s just not me that suffers from this terrible disease called “False Humility. I’m not Worthy”. So, Friday night, March 6th was the second installment of The Groove Suite. We worked extremely hard on this one because we actually decided to rent a space where we would have to actually create the mood and atmosphere we have always wanted to G/S to project to the world. We have realized that G/S isn’t always for the bootie shaking and quaking crowd, but for people who are true music lovers that want to hear some underground, not always mainstream music. It’s for the eclectics and the sophisticate music lovers. In saying that we had to create an atmosphere to reflect that. My business partner, Mr. Al Pete was out of town all week at a conference so, some of the decisions, the store runs, etc. that we would split, couldn’t be split. Erin Kendrick (Thank You Again) and I worked hard to get it altogether, plus other things I had to do.
As, the night progressed and things got going, the magic started happening. I mean we saw things really begin to manifest. I had to work that door that night, due to scheduling conflicts with the person we had hired, so I couldn’t go in and enjoy everything, but I would peep my head in the door to just get a whiff of the energy surging through the room. People would come streaming out to the bar saying “good job”, “this is great” and I would sit there like a log over thinking should I say “you’re welcome”, because that word seems wrong to say. Then Al comes out because he’s immensely excited and he says “Thank You MJ for all your hard work. This is beautiful” and I stood there frozen in time… like Elsa… I was FROZEN!!! Bitch, where did you go? I had flown off to this place called False Humility. I’m Not Worthy. You ever heard of it? There are some people who revel in flattery and compliments, they hop to the moment to tell you all that they have done and accomplished and how you owe them your first born for this amazing experience they just gave you, but then there is the other group of us that struggle with those acknowledgements because apart of us feel we don’t deserve them.
I went home that night and asked, “What thee fuck is wrong with you girl? What is so hard about accepting compliments?” I seriously prayed and meditated on this all weekend and I realized because at some point in my life I had been taught that false humility was the way to go, that being too proud of what you’ve accomplished is somehow prideful and arrogant and not a good look for me. I often struggle with saying “I’m a great artist”. “I’m a great person”. “I’m a great friend”. “I’m an amazing business woman”. I over think my processes and what I do often. Some friends and I were discussing as black women when do we ever get to that place of joy in our lives. We are always talking about the pain of everything. It is so easy to discuss our sorrows and our struggles, but not as easy to celebrate our accomplishments and our love for all things US. Romans 14:17, states, “for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” This took me out because what I realized is the kingdom of God is within me, so if I’m not at peace (living an anxiety and fear free life); righteous (walking in integrity) and joyful life then I’m doing this all wrong. So, where is the joy people? It’s within… buried under some bullshit I was taught. How do I get there? With patience and time. With love and understanding for myself. This journey of authenticity is not just one layer, its multiple layers, its taking a look in the mirror of self at all times, checking and then checking again!
Now, I gotta go do a mental and spiritual deep dive to get it all out. I want to enjoy my life without the constraints of false humility and the lot. We can’t live authentically, if we are coming from a false place. I want to accept compliments without feeling guilty that maybe I didn’t do enough. Because here’s the other side of this, if I can’t accept a Thank you from a friend or stranger; how will I be able to accept the love of the man I love in the right way? This can go so many ways. Can I get an Ament, anybody??... Ament!
So, I’m on a mission!!! I’m going to find my place of joy! I don’t want to miss another opportunity to say THANK YOU and YOU’RE WELCOME with no reservations!! I hope you will come on this journey with me. Let’s talk about it.
